The Right Words

Recently a friend posted an essay on Facebook which started, “All my friends who hate President Trump read this.” This is not unusual. A few months ago, other friends were posting things that said, “All my friends who hate Vice President Kamala read this.” Unfortunately, this seems to be de  rigueur in speech these days. We’ve all seen people say that someone who disagrees with them should be taken out and hung, and that someone who takes issue with a governmental policy should leave the country. This kind of speech is not limited to one party. People on either end of the political spectrum, or in the middle, say such things. We seem given to polemic speech, and I’m not sure why. I find this disheartening, especially when I see people who I know consider themselves Christians posting such things. The following scripture comes to mind:

6 Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. Colossians 4:6 English Standard Version

I know that some of my friends who are not Christians may raise an eyebrow at this, so perhaps we can also consider the following quote:

But hushed be every thought that springs

        From out the bitterness of things.

William Wordsworth

Or perhaps this one that is a bit older:

He can never speak well who knows not how to hold his peace. Plutarch

When we engage in such invective speech, we only gratify ourselves. Our diatribe falls on stone ears. For example, if I’m not a supporter of President Trump and a friend posts something that starts, “All my friends who hate President Trump read this,” I’m probably not going to read it. After all, even if I do not support him, I do not hate him. The word hate is a very strong word. Merriam-Webster defines hate as: intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury or extreme dislike or disgust : antipathy, loathing. Truthfully, I do not know any politicians well enough to hate them. I may disagree with their policies, but hatred requires a certain level of intimacy that we will not reach. Such language shuts doors. If I see that kind of post, I do not read it because I know that I don’t feel that emotion towards the person talked about. Hate is a penultimate emotion, similar to loath. Yet, we throw it around as if it was as common as putting on your socks. The casual use of the word hate builds walls, closes doors, and demeans meaningful conversation. When we accuse each other of hatred, we make it very hard to engage in constructive dialogue. We should eschew recklessly flinging hate-stones at each other. We should also avoid making disagreement something more than it is.

Disagreeing with something our government does is not being traitorous or a sign that one should decamp to a new country. Along with belligerent speech we’ve embraced the idea that we all must think the same way. I often see people accusing someone who thinks differently of being disloyal or worse. Christy, my wife of forty years, and I disagree on various things; some as simple as what to eat and some difficult thorny theological issues. Yet in those forty years, I’ve never slept on the couch. Long ago we learned that we do not have to agree on everything to enjoy a deep meaningful relationship. Disagreement does not necessarily sever all ties. There have been times in which listening to each other moderated or even changed our opinions. As a nation, we need to develop the emotional and mental ability to listen carefully to what someone says.  When we listen, truly listen, we show honor and respect to the person speaking…or writing…or posting. We need not fear someone who disagrees with us.

12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

As President Franklin Roosevelt said in his inauguration speech in 1933:

So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is … fear itself — nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.

It is interesting to note that Roosevelt tapped into a long line of thinkers, Montaigne, Bacon, and others who identified fear as the significant problem. We can also look at the old bard who said it this way:

Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind;

The thief doth fear each bush an officer.

William Shakespeare

Fear makes us small, timid individuals who lash out at every perceived wrong or slight. We need to be bigger individuals; men and women who understand the real problems that stalk our nation and civilization. Fear, prejudice, ignorance, and greed stand as the root of the ills that plague us. There are others, but I’d rather not get too metaphysical in this essay. We desperately need to listen more to each other. Perhaps then, we might find that we’re much more like the other side than we realize. We might also find solutions to the various challenges we face.