All of us have watched the daily parade of chaos and wondered, how and why? The phrase, “surely we can do better,” roils my mind. How did we get to this dark place? What has caused this great hurt, which rends our society? Sadly, we’re witnessing the result of centuries of marginalization and prejudice. As a nation, we’ve long ignored this problem. Periodically we take some steps to ameliorate the issues only to see them rolled back either through ignorance or at time circumventing legislation. But we cannot continue to ignore them, and until we address those wounds that scar our nation so deeply, all the police, tear-gas, and rubber bullets in the world will not solve our problems. If we ever hope to fulfill the noble ideals that animate our founding documents, we must unflinchingly look at the societal structures that keep so many of our fellow citizens nibbling away at the margins of the American dream. Oddly, the unflinching look starts with listening.
We must actively listen to those demonstrating and the millions of their supporters that exist in quiet desperation. We must embrace active listening. Active listening sets aside preconceptions and truly hears the message of the speaker. Most of us hear the first sentence or so and then spend the rest of the time constructing an argument against what we think we heard. This demeans both the conversation and the speaker. When we engage in active listening we honor the speaker, valuing their words, and in doing that we value them. True listening, deep listening involves humility and vulnerability. We humbly set aside our own preconceptions of what the problem is and hear what someone else thinks the problem is. We are vulnerable enough to accept the possibility of our own culpability. We carefully consider what they think the solution looks like, embracing the frightening possibility that the solution might involve alterations in the power-paradigm that we cherish as normal and right. In this act of listening, we may find common ground and from common ground, we may find the path to solutions that provide the salve to our common wounds. Active listening does not seek to assign guilt.
When we deeply listen to someone, we do not look to prove guilt or innocence. We want, no we yearn, to hear their story. True listening involves an openness to the person and what they are saying. Frequently we conflate speakers with other perceived bad actors. This skews the conversation into unproductive areas. No white American wants to answer for hate spewed from the mouth or pen of a neo-nazi white supremacist. We reject association with such evildoers. In a like manner, peaceful protestors reject association with looters and others that either advocate or embrace violence as a solution. We must avoid the urge to delegitimize the call for reform simply because a few criminals grab our attention with looting and other criminal activities. It is manifestly unfair to obfuscate the conversation through this kind of diversionary tactic. We must learn to listen to those voices that cry out for justice.
Perhaps this is the hardest part of truly listening to someone, we may find out that we through ignorance or intransigence we share culpability in an on-going miscarriage of justice. Ensconced inside our comfortable air-conditioned homes, behind our manicured front lawns, or lounging by our sparkling pools behind our privacy fences, we may unwittingly contribute to the continual perpetuation of economic and political suppression. We ignore the privilege that constructed and continually supports these cocoons. Actively listening to someone requires that I leave the safety of my carefully constructed cocoon and interact with the real world. And the real world is a messy, convoluted place, requiring thoughtful creative solutions to the problems that vex. We must listen to the sufferers, involving them in developing and implementing the solutions to the problems. Any solution that does not flow from active deep listening coupled with thoughtful conversation is most likely to fail.
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