Civil Communication Part 2

Civil Communication Part 2

     We do not put much stock in kindness. Ask people to list what they consider core values, American or otherwise, and kindness rarely makes the list. In speech and writing we embrace a take-no-prisoners style, employing words like swords. Yet when queried by Micah for a short list, God included kindness. In Ephesians 4:32 Paul reminds us to, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” While this passage does not focus on speech, it does remind me to be kind. Later in the New Testament Paul addresses speech directly. In Colossians 4:6 he pens these words, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” Graciousness and kindness are two characteristics that ought to mark our speech.

     When we jump into the social media arena, do we take the time to consider whether or not our words are kind and display graciousness? Or, do we plunge ahead with whatever comes to mind, no matter how snarky, coarse, or crass. Words may be quite true, but still wound and separate. In the Army we regularly employ sarcasm when dealing with recalcitrant troops. We do so, in part, to end discussion and move forward into execution. As a career officer, I developed a complete repertoire of appropriately sarcastic comments, employing them with some skill. While extremely helpful in the Army setting, withering sarcasm does not play so well in the classroom. I still remember one particular incident in which I crushed a student who was giving me a hard time. As the words left my mouth, hanging in the air, I watched as his countenance fell under the hammer blows of my ill-considered speech. Even though I immediately apologized, our relationship withered, never fully recovering. Reacting instinctively, I chose very poorly. While my words had the immediate effect I sought, the student ceased their behavior. They also had a long-term effect I did not plan for, alienation.

     I failed to give serious consideration to the effect and weight of my words. The writer in Proverbs uses a phrase, peculiarly appropriate to this discussion, in Proverbs 25:11, “A word fitly spoken…” The passage continues with a rich word picture, “…is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” How often do we use words fitly spoken, especially in a public forum? Graciousness and kindness ought to mark our speech and public postings. Our words ought to bind up wounds, heal broken relationships, and point others toward the most winsome of all people, Jesus Christ. Since I publicly claim to be a Christian, my words ought to show similarity to Christ’s. When I post do I take a moment to consider whether or not my words reflect well on the Lord?

     When someone posts something that I disagree with or I engage in a discussion thread concerning a current event how do I employ words? Do I seek to bridge gaps or do I use my words in such a way as to divide and perhaps conquer? I can use my words to buttress my chosen positions, stoking the fires of anger and distrust. I can look at every issue as a chance to either strike a blow for my ideas or a possible avenue for someone to advance beliefs I find troublesome. There are other ways I may employ my words.

     I might use my words to encourage the downhearted and hurting. Kind words heal, providing succor to the lonely and hurting. I might choose to ignore a perceived threat and instead, extend a hand of welcome or sympathy. Often in our public conversations we forget that behind issues lie individuals whose lives are in turmoil often through no fault of their own. We blunder on, defending what we perceive as right not thinking that in the process we may trample on innocent victims, further wounding. A kind word fitly spoken may serve as a salve, soothing a troubled soul. Instead of seeking out ways to stroke our own pride, let us search out ways to be kind to those who think differently. Jesus said it well, “Blessed are the peacemakers…” Matthew 5:9. I must find ways to act in this great age of instant communications in a fashion that encourages, is kind, and lifts up.