Sharing My Kitchen

     At the age of 54 and after 27 years of military service, I like things a certain way. I find comfort in

checklists and standing operating procedures; also known as SOPs. Backward planning suits me just fine. I brought so much of this home from work with me I tormented my kids while they were growing up. More than once Christy pulled me aside and reminded me that I could have a happy family or a Better Homes and Gardens house, but not both at the same time. Families, especially while they are blessed with children, generate fuss and muss. Thankfully, Christy is strong and very convincing. Her tenacity and wisdom probably saved my kids from growing up rigid automatons. For years it seemed as if chaos reigned in my house; however, those days passed. My children grew up and either moved away or are on their way out. Now Christy humors me, even encourages me and I enjoy it. Years of pushing back against the borders of chaos and darkness in my work help me as a teacher. I love lesson plans and outlines. They bring order to my day. At home I want things just so.

     I do the cooking in our house, enjoying the creative outlet. Today for Sunday lunch, we feasted on grilled pork-chops, brown rice, two types of homemade roasted Poblano salsa, grilled squash, Brussel-Sprouts, and ice-cream. By the way, Megan, helped put all this together; but more on that subject shortly. As a cook, I like things in their place. When in the midst of whipping up a marinade, I find search for the right implement annoying, seriously annoying. When the sauce thickens to just the right consistency, I do not want to waste time looking for the correct wooden spoon. I know where everything is in my kitchen; including how the spices are arranged. Good order and discipline enhance the cooking experience. Of course, once I finish and we sit down to eat; the mess I leave would make this hard to believe. But trust me, when I start I like to know where everything is. It really helps when more than one of us gets to slinging pots, pans, knives, and other implements of creation.

     Megan, Christopher’s lovely bride, and I share my kitchen now. They recently decided to return to Texas and are staying with us while securing work and all the other oddments of modern existence. A few weeks ago Christopher called and asked if we minded them staying with us for a while. Christy and I enthusiastically agreed. Christopher and Candace married well. We enjoy all their company and when Timothy graces the table, making a complete set, the conversation and laughter flows abundantly. Adult children bring great blessing. Megan is an excellent cook. Everything that she’s cooked that I’ve eaten has been delectable. She knows how to prepare meals that I do not, adding diversity to our fair. Soon she would be available to wield a spoon.

     How would I handle Megan’s presence in my kitchen? You see, none of my children are children any more. Somehow, somewhere they passed into adulthood and the relational dynamic changed. The last thing any of them want is for me to treat them like children. Christopher and Megan are fully formed, complete adults, able to make decisions on their own without my guidance or permission. Now, they would share a house with Christy and me. How would these days pass?

     Despite what Christopher and Megan think, this time will fly past. Soon, they will secure jobs, housing, and transportation. They will move on with their lives. More than likely Timothy will either secure a better job or a roommate and move out on his own, leaving us to live out organized lives. How I behave and treat them will color this precious time; and yes, it is precious. Christopher, Megan, Candace, Teagan, and Timothy chart their own course. As parents we still play a role, but any time we share is by their choice. Will my penchant for organization and love of my cooking toys outweigh my love for them?

     That’s what it comes down to, love. Do I love things or do I love my family? Order is good. Families do not bring order, they are messy. Jesus spoke about this when confronting the Pharisees. He reminded them, ““Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others.” Matthew 23:23. I normally think of this passage in the context of religious freedom; but, I believe Jesus wants me to consider this in all realms of my life. Like the Pharisees I seek to exert control in a sometimes tumultuous world, forgetting that people are worth much more than things or perceived order. If I claim to follow Jesus, embracing Him as my example, then I will lay aside my need for order and enjoy sharing my kitchen with Megan. After all, she brings much to the table and I will profit from this time.